7 Things I’ve Learned on the Road to Restoration

A home destroyed nearly five months ago during the landfall of Superstorm Sandy is pictured in Mantoloking, New JerseyOne week before my world changed forever, my pastor said these words in a sermon: “At any given time, people are usually going into a storm, in a storm, or coming out of a storm.” I remembered thinking, “Wow, we’ve been on a pretty good run here. It had been about four years since we had encountered a major storm.”

And then the hurricane that would be called autism rolled in without warning for our curly-headed little boy, not yet two. But the waves kept coming and crashing relentlessly it seemed over our family–dreams knocked down, childhood joys knocked down, finances knocked down, work life knocked down, relationships strewn about, rest rooted up, marital bliss torn down, the sight of God’s goodness in the land of the living mangled. Nothing seemed simple any more. How do you recover?

I’ve often thought that as bad as a fire is to go through, it has a different energy to recovery than what’s left to be faced on the other side of a flood. Fire means it all has to start over. Clean it up, get creative, and rebuild with new things. A flood means you have to deal with soggy memories, and figure out what has to get trashed and what is worth the effort of restoring. Many measures have to be taken to gut, to find all the mold and dry up the water, to take things back to the studs. Mostly, it feels like moving water-logged chaos from one pile to another for quite some time. Some would contend the wind and waves don’t recede for long enough to even recoup.

This month it’s been seven years since the hurricane hit our lives. Everybody understands what it’s like to encounter storms. It’s all relative. There is no use in comparing one person’s storm to another in efforts to either feel better or feel worse about your own storm. Can we just validate that our proverbial storms, fires, floods affect us deeply and collide with our very real humanness?

But if there is one thing I’ve learned in these past seven years, it is this: God’s intention for us is always to be moving toward restoration. Always. Storms will stun us, that’s a given. But, I contend that if we’re not then being restored, we are being consumed.

Our lives cannot be lived wishing that what happened wouldn’t have happened. Because it did. Our lives cannot be lived saying that we have no choice but to be a victim to our circumstances. God set up humans to always get to choose regardless of their circumstances or surroundings. A traveling female pastor told me something I’ll never forget. She said, “Remember, you can pass through the Land of Why, but just don’t stay there.”

The language of restoration is no longer “why” but “what now?” To play the “what now” game with God can become the most amazing adventure you’ve ever been on. As Paul wrote in Romans 8:15, “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike, “What’s next, Papa?”

Here are few things I’ve learned about “what’s next” restoration:

  1. Restoration is a journey, and no one can tell you how long or short that road could or should be. That is between you and God. God can arrange short cuts that accelerate you from one place to another, but your own short cuts will usually land you into quicksand. Many of us will want a “fix” or a “rescue” from God, but His idea of bringing us wholeness means restoring us completely–and that could take some time. Even more than a journey, you could look at it as a “pilgrimage” of the soul (read Psalm 84). On this pilgrimage, God is with you, and you are going somewhere. You will more than likely encounter trials, set backs, resting spots, beauty, storms, hills, valleys, rain, drought—all of it. But through it, this is what Psalm 84:5 says, “What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem (God’s presence).” Restoration usually happens on the way, not upon the arrival.
  2. There is a reason that Jesus was sent to “save” you because we all need to be saved from something. He is Savior, and that means our whole person—body, soul, mind, circumstances. Shame, hurt, offense, and frustration will try to get you to hide from His saving. Salvation is not just a one-time event. Salvation is available every day and in every way. The moment we try to save ourselves, we cannot be helped. The gap is too great. So, drag your butt and your sorry situation to Jesus. That’s all you have to do to get things rolling. “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Grace means getting something that you don’t deserve (earn). Mercy means not getting (the punishment) that you deserve. He is up for both. Just come confidently.
  3. Give God 365 days. Admit it. We’ve all been there. We get on a high that we’re going to have faith and trust in God, and then something bad happens or worsens, and we throw up our hands and say, “See, God can’t be trusted! It’s all emotional hype.” But I’ve seen that it’s important to stretch out your commitment to seeking God and seeing God work in you, for you, to you and through you. You will likely fall off your commitment. Just get back on through repentance and go again. Commit to God that you are going to learn how to do it His way for 365 days. Ask Him to prove to you that He can be trusted to hold up His side of the bargain while you follow His lead, not your own. I picked up the Bible one day and said, “God, this has to work. Your claims are too strong to just be a warm fuzzy to read about over my Wheaties. I will stick with You, but You have to prove what You say is true.” He loves to be challenged in this way!
  4. Keep a journal of questions to ask to God that you want answers for. Do your studying of the Bible, books, sermons and podcasts based on getting the answers to those questions. Get real, get raw, lay it all out there, and then ask God to show you what His perspective really is on each of those questions. I did this with about seven questions early on in my journey to restoration, and I was amazed that as I kept those questions before me, the answers began to jump out. I also consciously pursued them. Write those questions down and get them out of your head. Don’t assume God really thinks the way you’ve been taught to believe He thinks about your situation.
  5. Turn outward to other people to help them. This is one of the very best things to do. It slices self-pity in half when you just stop thinking about yourself and your own problems for a while and serve others. I don’t care if it’s random acts of kindness, getting involved in a religious or secular organization, or just offering to pray and encourage other friends consistently. “Pray for others that you may be healed” (James 5:16). You pray for others, and God heals you! What a recycling program. This is the beauty of flowing water, not a stagnant pond.
  6. Granting and asking forgiveness has to be part of your lifestyle. So, you’ve had some people hurt you to the core. That deserves justice—but justice doesn’t come from you—justice is the Lord’s job. You might think that if you forgive them, and if you forgive yourself, that you are giving them a free pass to say that what they did was okay, not wrong, and excusable. That is not what forgiveness is. So, basically, when you choose to take responsibility for your own actions, to ask forgiveness, to forgive yourself, and to forgive others it releases the power of that offense off of you so you can walk in freedom.  A position of forgiveness is the most powerful position you can have. Honestly, one of the most powerful things I’ve done is “forgive God” for not protecting me. Now, I’m not saying that He needed to be forgiven. I am saying that I was holding offense toward Him because I felt like He didn’t protect my family. A wall came down when I forgave.
  7. Learn to hear the voice of God. What does God really sound like? What does Satan sound like? What do you sound like? Just like a football coach reviews the tapes of the opponents before the game is being played, you have to get to know the character and strategies of those at play in your mind. God will never lie, play mind games, contradict His Word, shame, punish in anger, etc. If God corrects, it comes with peace and freedom attached. Satan likes to blame, to accuse, to cause self condemnation, to keep you in fear, total bondage, confusion, disorder, and chaos—yet, he is good at deceiving. Learn to smell a rat and take care of it immediately. Jesus says, “My sheep hear My voice—the voice of a stranger they won’t hear.” Say that scripture out loud so that you learn to tune your ears (inner and outer) to God. He really is speaking all the time to you, usually we just pass it off as us or we are so pounded with fear that we can’t hear it. This takes practice. If we tune in, God is faithful to confirm that it’s Him.

I am still on a journey of restoration. Most days still hold some pain of the aftermath of the storms that have damaged. I still really would love all of the circumstances to be awesome so life could be “easy, happy, and shiny.” But, I’ve realized the greatest part of restoration is this: “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (Psalm 51:12).

It is the main thing that destroys the lingering scent of mustiness while we co-labor with God on making things new.

3 thoughts on “7 Things I’ve Learned on the Road to Restoration

  1. Tahni – you are such an inspiration to me and to plenty of others! Your 7 steps are right on! It’s been amazing to watch/listen/pray for/learn from you. Thank you! I’m going to pass the link on to the other MS’ers I work out with. Restoration – a journey for sure!! Blessings, prayers and love – Chris

  2. My husband was severely injured on December 20th, 2014 when a 20 year old kid thought it was ok to drink and drive. I have tried every daysince that day, while sitting by my husbands bed, to forgive this person. I have not been able to. After reading this I feel that I may be able to forgive him just for my sanity. With Gods help and guidance I am going to succeed. My husband is still unresponsive. I pray that God finds a reason to bring my husband back to me. Thank you very much for putting this out there so that it could get to me.

  3. Paula, I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. I will stand with you for your husband’s healing and recovery. I say, “Limits off his body” in Jesus’ name. God has found a reason to give your husband back to you, Paula. The reason was decided when Jesus took our infirmities on his back and on the cross. Jesus, I link with Paula that her husband would wake up, come back to her, revive. Nothing is impossible for You, Lord. My compassion goes out to Paula for this heartache and helpless feeling of waiting and daily hoping that today will be the day. Jesus, give her strength to hang in and hang on. Grant her peace in this storm. Show her how to forgive this boy who made an unwise decision that night that altered many lives because of it. Help her release all the anger, frustration, and shackles of injustice to Your hands and Your care I pray. Go in and heal all those wounds. You are close to the broken hearted. Bind up these wounds–physical and emotional, I pray. Bring about a miraculous turn around, and do not delay, Father. We trust in Your love.

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